I Adore Being A Girl...

Babe is one of three boys, born to a woman who is very reserved and private. He takes after her in that way. He rarely, if ever raises his voice and even the most exciting news warrants minimal reaction. For instance, shortly after we were married he came home from work one night and told me about a situation that had caused him frustration. "I'm so mad," he said in the most even and unaffected tone I had ever heard. His lack of even a hint of true ire left me to wonder if he even knew what "mad" was because he certainly didn't know what it looked like. He was doing it entirely all wrong.

At any rate, I am the opposite of my mother-in-law in every way except for our names. She's Dianne and I am Diana (when I'm not gallivanting around town as D.P.). She is even tempered, thoughtful and composed. I am emotional, loud and tend to speak before I think, though contrary to popular belief, I don't say everything I'm thinking. If ya'll only knew what I didn't say...

So when Babe and I were married, there were many things he was not aware of because his mother is a woman of dignity. It has been an eye-opening eighteen years for that poor man, and I'm sure he thought he'd seen it all...until we had daughters.

There are three. Eenie, Meenie and Minney. Moe is the only boy child. My daughters are amazing young women. They are feisty, independent, loving and kind. They are also forging through that phase in life known as puberty. It has been hard, at times, for Babe to understand the various and sundry daily, sometimes hourly, changes in our daughters' moods. One day in particular Ennie was upset and he couldn't understand why. All he could do was shake his head and moan like Lurch from the Addams Family as he tried to stay out of her way. It's even harder for him, I think, because they are three different creatures and he really has to think on his feet.

I was certain my oldest would be like the sad drunk, but she is the mad drunk, and the daughter I thought would be the mad drunk is the sad drunk. The third daughter is still an enigma, even to me. You think she's going right, but then she jogs to the left and you end up wondering what happened.

And all the while, Moe is hiding in the corner with wide eyes wondering when the madness will end. It will never end. His young soul has only begun to experience the inner machinations of womanhood and he will never escape unless he hides himself in the mountains for the rest of his life.

Babe thinks life will calm down once the girls have moved out. Boy, have I got news for him. Headline - Menopause!