Sunday, February 3, 2013

Sorry, Wrong Number. Jerk...

My sweetheart, Mr. D, passed me his cell phone yesterday with a "listen to this." I put the phone to my ear, and my eyes grew wide in horrified surprise as my ears were filled with angry profanities with the occassional word thrown in. Something about her son or job or something. It was hard to filter through the garbage.

So, my sweet husband sends this text to the offensive number: "Not sure who you left 2 messages on this number for but you have the wrong number."

To which she replies: "B*^#@$ quit playing with me. GROW THE F@#$ UP and act like a F&#;$%#$ ADULT! ILL BE UP THERE TO YOUR JOB STUPID A@$ and it ain't gone be nice! Be ready."

My husband is the nicest guy in the world as illustrated by his response: "Seriously dude...check the number...and don't call or text this number again please...we don't use that kind of language. Thank you." Note the "please" and "thank you" this person clearly did not deserve.

She proceeds to call him again and leaves another hate filled threat rant. So I ask for his phone and tell him I will write a text and then hand it back. If he objects to it in any way he didn't need to send it, but writing things down usually makes me feel better even if the letter/text/email/ post never gets sent (thus the reason why I keep a journal).

So I wrote: "For the love! What proof do you need for you to realize the poor bugger (I used another word, but I'm the lesser of the two Davidsons) you're harassing is not at this number. I tried calling you back but your phone goes straight to (user's name here) voicemail."

She called back twice. Mr.D. answered the phone and she hung up both times. She hasn't bothered him since, but here's the dealio - it never occured to her to check the number. Yes, her baby daddy could have been messing with her, but why not check the number, just to be sure. I'm thinking "please" and "thank you" with a comment concerning her lack of language skills should have been an indication she got the number wrong. That or her intended reciever suddenly devolped manners, though which was more likely?

Yeah, that's what I thought.

On the Subject of Wordy-Dirds...

I love Spongebob.

I have referenced him before as I think he has a great many wise things to say. Today I want to share with you his thoughts on "sentence enhancers."

In Bikini Bottom where Spongebob dwells, in a pineapple under the sea, one day he read that "Crabs is a..." whilst reading dumpster writing ("the voice of the people.")

It was his first introduction to such language. His ridiculous starfish friend informed him that such words were known as "sentence enhancers" and they both began enhancing their sentences from there. Later on they learn that the enhancers were really bad words, and then they were ashamed for using them.

This is where I am leading you, dear reader. "Sentence enhancers" have become less enhancers and more the norm, and it stinks. No one is ashamed of using them anymore. The only true and relevant thing my step-father ever told me, besides how to use a dictionary, was that foul language was the sign of a simple mind.

I guess that means this country is filled to capacity with simpletons. I am inclined to agree.

There is a comedy website that I used to enjoy visiting. The articles are hilarious. I laugh out loud when I read them, but they are chock full of obsenities. You know what? Those words do not add to the comedy. As a matter of fact, they take away from the enjoyment. I can't go there any more. The burning sensation in my eyes is not worth the read.

It's not just the comedy site though. It's everywhere. Why, why, why?

Don't get me wrong, I am known to say "hell" or "damn" when I'm frustrated or facing a near death collision, but there are certain words that never cross my lips. I need to desist using them at all because as Spongebob said "there's no need for words like that."

However, it has become viral. I got a calendar for Christmas. A calendar my children read. I have to check it beforehand for F-bombs. A calendar! Well, not any more. I tossed it out.

Stop me if I sound like a broken record... a broken record... a broken record.

Sorry, back on task. There are plenty of amazing books, films and music out there that are amazing without the potty talk.

The point is as the morals of society continue to degenerate, that which was profane, while still there, was pushed to the outskirts. Now they've been invited in to dine at the dinner table while all other worthwhile and more decriptive words are left to shiver in the cold.

The intelligent and sophisticated has been abandoned for unthinking, slobbering word vomit. Super potty words show a lack of consideration for everyone and an abandonment of social propriety. Knowing how to behave has become a lost art.

It is annoying as all get out when my kids call me on the carpet for using a bad word, but that just shows they have more sense than me. I'll take it.

The alternative is unacceptable.