Be warned. There is a lot of pain driven anger in this post.
I've been cramping for four weeks. Cramping, nauseous, bowel issues, etc. It's been a very painful couple of weeks. I called my OBGYN for an appointment but because I haven't been in for three years I am now considered a new patient and they can't get me in until February. I AM DYING so I called a second place because if I gonna be a new patient Imma try to be a new patient sooner.
Acetaminophen and Ibuprofen don't even touch the pain and I'm closer to kidney failure than relief from the cramps. I came to the end of my tolerance Sunday night and had Mr. D. take me to the ER. I was actually truly hopeful I would find relief, but I have found myself in a new circle of Hell.
It's the "saccharin-y sweet and condescending I'm so sorry you're in pain, but I'm completely useless even though I'm a medical professional" circle of Hell and it grows wider every moment. In the hospital they gave me an I.V. and some morphine, which I did not enjoy, did some blood work, took a sonogram and a CT scan. Doctor Clearly a Man said he found, "only a small cyst."
"Have you thought about seeing a gynocologist?" he asked because he's stupid. I told him I had an appointment for Thursday, but I'd come to the end of my ability to cope. "You should see your gyno about having a laparoscopy to look for endometriosis." Bitch! I am at the hospital right now! Why don't you do it?!
Instead he sent me home with a referral for the OBGYN that I already have an appointment with (in February) and some Tylenol with codeine. He seemed to think that because I'd been in the ER the night before, the GYNO would give two figs and see me this week instead of making me wait until February.
Nope. I called the office Monday afternoon, after the drug haze had burned off, and in spite of the fact that I'd just been in the ER...I am a new patient, and being a new patient means regardless of what is happening in my gut, I can't be seen until February. "I'm sorry you're in so much pain. I hope you feel better." I wish I had a toilet to shove her head into.
The Tylenol with codeine is barely making a dent in the cramps, so I called the ER to ask if it was supposed to, you know, work at all. The receptionist said, "nothing really takes all the pain away, but I'm sorry you're in so much pain. I hope you feel better." What I wouldn't give for a freaking toilet!
So I started calling around the freaking Metroplex because, dammit, I'm not playing anymore. I have an appointment for tomorrow morning in Arlington. I will chain myself to the bed if there isn't a resolution I can live with. Or I'm taking my uterus out myself. I have an x-acto knife. I'll use it.
Tuesday, November 27, 2018
Tuesday, November 20, 2018
The Day We Did Everything and Accomplished Nothing...
My dad-in-law has been in a nursing home for almost a year, leaving my mom-in-law to run the house alone. She used to think he didn't do much, but since he's been gone she's realized how much he actually did. Taking care of the house is hard for her. She's not as young as she used to be (who is, amIright), she isn't as strong, and she's kinda short.
Why is that relevant, you ask?
Because her ceilings are maybe seven feet high, and she can't reach high enough to change a light bulb even on her tip-toes. And somehow I can't even fathom, she goes through a ton of light bulbs. Every other week she's asking Mr. D. (who is her son and more than happy to help out his mom) to come take care of this or that and "change a couple of light bulbs, too." It's amusing to me, but probably a little frustrating for her.
She asked him to come by because one of the toilets needed plunging and the bathroom sink was leaking, and she needed some light bulbs changed. Unfortunately, she had to wait until we had a free weekend, so it took a couple of weeks. Thankfully she has a second bathroom so she wasn't in dire straits, but it was still an inconvenience for her. At any rate, Mr. D finally had a free weekend and I decided to go with him because I figured we could divide and conquer and get things done faster.
But you know me. .Nothing ever that easy.
We brought all of our tools and planned to buy her a new toilet plunger at Home Depot because we figured she'd probably need a new one. We we're half way there when we realized we'd forgotten the toilet snake. Sigh.
We got to the house and changed a few light bulbs. One or two were found to be socket issues so it wouldn't matter how many bulbs you put in those bad boys, they weren't ever gonna illuminate (problem solved). Another was controlled by a light switch that was in the "off" position (another problem solved). Also, she keeps a large white file box full of light bulbs, some in their packaging, some not, and I don't know if she noticed, but she put one or two of those dead light bulbs back in the file box so I went behind her and tossed them in the trash.
With the bulb issue resolved, we headed to the bathroom with the leaky faucet and problematic toilet, which while technically not clogged wasn't exactly free flowing either. Now, I've been a part of this family for almost twenty years and the water level, upon flushing said toilet, has steadily risen over the years so whatever is clogging that toilet has been settling there for a long, long time. So when one uses the toilet one will experience one of two things depending on how one conducts oneself after toilet use. If one is a "sit and flusher" the flusher will experience an unexpected washing of the tushie as a swirling tide of cold water rushes up and grazes the bum before finally descending down the hole.
On the other had, if one is a "stand and flusher" the flusher will watch with abject terror as the swirling vortex rises higher and higher leaving one on the edge of ones seat, so to speak, wondering if the toilet will over flow this time until, just as the flusher is sure all is lost, the waters will recede. It's fun for the whole family.
We found someone had drilled the holes for the faucet under the bathroom sink far too large, and had fixed the issue by shoving some random round of metal between the hole and the screw that tightens the faucet to the sink, to keep the screw from going through the hole. Otherwise the screw would go through the hole, thereby keeping the faucet from attaching to the sink, instead securing the faucet to air. This would be a problem, in case you're wondering.
Anywho, Mr. D and I took turns shoving ourselves into the impossibly small underside of the sink, I went ahead and liberally applied my four letter sentence enhancers as I struggled, while Mr. D settled for pained grunts. Eventually, we managed to remove the old faucet.
As I said, we'd forgotten the snake and after a quick inspection of the toilet plunger, which had to be forty years old and as hard as an athletic cup, we headed to Home Depot for a more malleable plunger. We also purchased a new faucet, and hoses because, would you believe it, they were still the original copper.
I would like to say we managed to keep it to one trip, but that would be a lie because after we got back to the house, and replaced the faucet, we found that we'd gotten hoses with the wrong connectors. So we went back. No project can ever be completed in one trip to Home Depot no matter how well prepared we are.
After returning from the Depot for the second time with the correct hoses, we reconnected all the things and turned the water back on. I was under the sink, tightening the screwy parts thinking about how amazing it was that I'd managed to make it through the whole process without taking a bath when I got a face full of water because in that moment of distraction, I started to loosen the water hose. I realized my error before the hose was completely detached, but I was still drenched by the time I had re-tightened the hose.
While I replaced the faucet, Mr. D plunged the toilet, but no amount of strong arming that plunger would move whatever was clogging the toilet, and once we turned the water back on the faucet still dripped.
We eventually ran out of time and had to leave things as they were. We felt a lack of accomplishment in spite of all we had accomplished because we left the house in the same shape we had found it. The toilet was still clogged and the sink still had a drip.
One day it will all work out.
Why is that relevant, you ask?
Because her ceilings are maybe seven feet high, and she can't reach high enough to change a light bulb even on her tip-toes. And somehow I can't even fathom, she goes through a ton of light bulbs. Every other week she's asking Mr. D. (who is her son and more than happy to help out his mom) to come take care of this or that and "change a couple of light bulbs, too." It's amusing to me, but probably a little frustrating for her.
She asked him to come by because one of the toilets needed plunging and the bathroom sink was leaking, and she needed some light bulbs changed. Unfortunately, she had to wait until we had a free weekend, so it took a couple of weeks. Thankfully she has a second bathroom so she wasn't in dire straits, but it was still an inconvenience for her. At any rate, Mr. D finally had a free weekend and I decided to go with him because I figured we could divide and conquer and get things done faster.
But you know me. .Nothing ever that easy.
We brought all of our tools and planned to buy her a new toilet plunger at Home Depot because we figured she'd probably need a new one. We we're half way there when we realized we'd forgotten the toilet snake. Sigh.
We got to the house and changed a few light bulbs. One or two were found to be socket issues so it wouldn't matter how many bulbs you put in those bad boys, they weren't ever gonna illuminate (problem solved). Another was controlled by a light switch that was in the "off" position (another problem solved). Also, she keeps a large white file box full of light bulbs, some in their packaging, some not, and I don't know if she noticed, but she put one or two of those dead light bulbs back in the file box so I went behind her and tossed them in the trash.
With the bulb issue resolved, we headed to the bathroom with the leaky faucet and problematic toilet, which while technically not clogged wasn't exactly free flowing either. Now, I've been a part of this family for almost twenty years and the water level, upon flushing said toilet, has steadily risen over the years so whatever is clogging that toilet has been settling there for a long, long time. So when one uses the toilet one will experience one of two things depending on how one conducts oneself after toilet use. If one is a "sit and flusher" the flusher will experience an unexpected washing of the tushie as a swirling tide of cold water rushes up and grazes the bum before finally descending down the hole.
On the other had, if one is a "stand and flusher" the flusher will watch with abject terror as the swirling vortex rises higher and higher leaving one on the edge of ones seat, so to speak, wondering if the toilet will over flow this time until, just as the flusher is sure all is lost, the waters will recede. It's fun for the whole family.
We found someone had drilled the holes for the faucet under the bathroom sink far too large, and had fixed the issue by shoving some random round of metal between the hole and the screw that tightens the faucet to the sink, to keep the screw from going through the hole. Otherwise the screw would go through the hole, thereby keeping the faucet from attaching to the sink, instead securing the faucet to air. This would be a problem, in case you're wondering.
Anywho, Mr. D and I took turns shoving ourselves into the impossibly small underside of the sink, I went ahead and liberally applied my four letter sentence enhancers as I struggled, while Mr. D settled for pained grunts. Eventually, we managed to remove the old faucet.
As I said, we'd forgotten the snake and after a quick inspection of the toilet plunger, which had to be forty years old and as hard as an athletic cup, we headed to Home Depot for a more malleable plunger. We also purchased a new faucet, and hoses because, would you believe it, they were still the original copper.
I would like to say we managed to keep it to one trip, but that would be a lie because after we got back to the house, and replaced the faucet, we found that we'd gotten hoses with the wrong connectors. So we went back. No project can ever be completed in one trip to Home Depot no matter how well prepared we are.
After returning from the Depot for the second time with the correct hoses, we reconnected all the things and turned the water back on. I was under the sink, tightening the screwy parts thinking about how amazing it was that I'd managed to make it through the whole process without taking a bath when I got a face full of water because in that moment of distraction, I started to loosen the water hose. I realized my error before the hose was completely detached, but I was still drenched by the time I had re-tightened the hose.
While I replaced the faucet, Mr. D plunged the toilet, but no amount of strong arming that plunger would move whatever was clogging the toilet, and once we turned the water back on the faucet still dripped.
We eventually ran out of time and had to leave things as they were. We felt a lack of accomplishment in spite of all we had accomplished because we left the house in the same shape we had found it. The toilet was still clogged and the sink still had a drip.
One day it will all work out.
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