James hung up the phone and trudged out of his apartment to the street below where he slid behind the wheel of a beat up Volkswagen bug, the only vehicle available to him now. After every other car had malfunctioned in some inconceivable way, M had decided the bug was more cost efficient to the agency.
The bug coughed and sputtered in protest as James started the engine before it finally relented and reluctantly came to life. The alignment on the vehicle was pitiful and James had to keep a firm hold on the wheel to keep the car from drifting to the right. He cursed his luck as he jerked the wheel to the left to make a turn when another car came barreling down the street coming straight for him.
He was knocked unconscious in the collision and when he awoke he found himself bound to a chair in a dark theater. "Good of you to join us," a smooth feminine voice declared from the shadows. James lifted his head from his chest and looked around.
"Where am I," he demanded though his head throbbed in pain. He heard a light laugh and soft footfalls as she approached from the left.
"You may call me Serena," the woman declared. The theater was abruptly bathed in light and James blinked rapidly as his eyes adjusted. He looked to the place where he'd last heard the voice and was astonished at the ravishing young woman standing there. Her bright eyes shone beneath the longest eyelashes he had ever seen and her full lipped smile took his breath away.
"Is there no end to your lasciviousness, you filthy dog," she asked when she saw the way he looked at her.
"What am I doing here?" he demanded mustering up the last bits of bravado left to him. Serena's smile widened.
"I've heard you were looking for us," she replied. She walked to the front of the theater and took a seat in a familiar worn recliner. "Do you like it?" she asked as he eyed the chair.
"It looks like a chair I used to own," he replied. Serena chuckled lightly.
"That's because it is the chair you once owned," she said. "I rescued it from the dump." She leaned back in the chair and and the foot rest popped up. She placed her feet on the rest and crossed her ankles. "It really is quite comfortable," she admitted with a sigh.
"Why am I here?" James repeated impatiently. Serena sighed again and pushed the chair back to the upright position."
"You are here, Mr. Bond, because we grew tired of waiting," she replied as she got to her feet. "We have been waiting a long time to meet you." The room was suddenly alive with footfalls and James was surrounded by more than forty men, each clad in a familiar suit.
"They're wearing my clothes," he angrily erupted and Serena was clearly amused.
"That they are," she agreed. "They fit my brothers nicely don't you think?" Jame struggled furiously against the ropes keeping him tied to the chair.
"What kind of sick game are you playing here," James demanded. The men's faces broke into Cheshire cat smiles and James felt a surge of unease. His attention returned to Serena who held a familiar notebook in her hands. "Where did you get that?" he barked as she glanced at the pages.
"Did you ever think about them again," she asked as she turned the page.
"Who?" James asked and for the first time Serena's smile broke.
"The women in these pages!" she snapped. "Did you ever think about Solitaire or Jinx or Ann?" James frowned uncertainly.
"I don't recall an Ann," he replied with a puzzled look.
"She changed her name to something more dignified," Serena replied. "Her last name was Galore." James snickered as he remembered the woman's first name and Serena frowned. "I'll take that as a no," she decided. She handed the notebook to one of the men standing closest. "We thought about these woman every day of our lives," she declared as she strolled around the room. "We knew them well. We called them 'mother'." James' jaw dropped in awe.
"You are all children of my former lovers?" James sounded incredulous as Serena nodded. "They are lost," he continued. "My mission is to find them." Serena laughed out loud.
"They are not lost to us, Mr. Bond," she explained. "They never were."
"But M...." James fell silent as M passed through the group of men and stood beside Serena. He looked from one woman to the other in astonishment. "You knew?" he choked.
"I helped," M admitted.
"But why?" James asked feeling hurt. M took the notebook from the man holding it and flipped to a certain page.
"Woman tending hotel desk," she read. "Also known as my daughter." James eyes almost popped from his head.
"I had no idea!" he sputtered and M pursed her lips.
"Perhaps a minute of conversation would have cleared that up," M growled. Serena placed a calming hand on M's shoulder.
"It's okay, Grandmother," she soothed as James eyes grew impossibly larger.
"Grandmother," he repeated as his face paled. M moved closer and leaned into his face.
"Every one of these women, my daughter," she began. "Her name is Janine, by the way. You used them and threw them away."
"Do you expect me to apologize?" James sneered suddenly remembering who he was. M shook her head as she reached into the purse hanging at her side.
"No, Mr Bond," she replied placing a thick folded document on his lap. "I expect you to pay child support." James was speechless.
"Child support," he repeated.
"Yes," Serena shouted. "For we are C.O.B.! Children of Bond!!!" The men erupted in maniacal laughter as M shoved a pen into James hand cinched at his side.
James Bond sits in the recliner reclaimed by Serena that fateful day. His retirement fund was depleted after paying back child support to his fifty one baby mamas. With no place to stay Serena agreed to let him live, rent free, in her basement. James glanced at the toys strewn about the family room with a look of pride and sadness as four rambunctious children spilled through the door. "Grampa!" they squealed in delight. James knelt on the floor as they threw themselves into his arms and the five of them fell back into a pile of stuffed animals. James sighed as he looked to the ceiling. This was James Bonds life.