Then There Were Killer Hornets...

I know Killer Hornets are old news at this point in 2020, but I was reminded, today, of my frequent and plentiful run-ins with wasps lasts summer.

For whatever reason, all the wasps in the DFW area opted to take up residence in my backyard. I found nests under fence posts, in my trees, under planters, clinging to the decorative fence and other places I was unaware of until I happened upon them. For this reason, I opted to wear long overalls and garden boots every time I went to play in the backyard/garden. I would like to remind everyone that safety measures make no difference because I tend to get hurt anyway, but those wasps were serious. So in triple degree weather, I'm tromping around in long pants and boots to avoid painful consequences. 

Lord. Help. Me.

I was working in the garden with my pal Ang, and was strolling across the yard when all of the sudden I felt a prick on my inner thigh. Suddenly, the prick began to burn and there was another prick and then another. I realized one of those fetchers had flown up my pants leg! I ran for the house, stripping my overalls off along the way and dumping them at the back door, where that little bugger flew out of my pants and into the house. I grabbed a broom and chased it into a corner where I attempted to broom it to death, but I managed to fling it into space after the first smack. The burning around my thigh and knee abruptly became my focus, so I neglected to look for the body. Five great big welts formed on the front and back of my leg. Five welts, but on closer inspection, seven holes. 

The next morning, I heard a frantic buzzing at the living room window and wouldn't you know, it was my un-dead wasp. It's mother would not even be able to identify it's body by the time I was done taking those seven stings out of its hide. Then, just to pre-empt any hive minded retribution, I headed outside and went scorched earth on every nest I found. I went through three cans of hornet spray. 

My leg was swollen and itchy for a solid week before I began to heal. I could barely bend my leg, but after that whole episode, I realized if I had been wearing shorts and flops, that damn thing wouldn't have been able to sting me seven times in a row. So the next time I went into the garden, it was in a t-shirt, shorts and flops. I also wasn't too worried about running into any more wasps because I had just mass murdered all I could find. 

It was the ones I didn't find that got me. Three more times, between my toes.

Three is less than seven so I call that a win!

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