Then There Were Killer Hornets...

I know Killer Hornets are old news at this point in 2020, but I was reminded, today, of my frequent and plentiful run-ins with wasps lasts summer.

For whatever reason, all the wasps in the DFW area opted to take up residence in my backyard. I found nests under fence posts, in my trees, under planters, clinging to the decorative fence and other places I was unaware of until I happened upon them. For this reason, I opted to wear long overalls and garden boots every time I went to play in the backyard/garden. I would like to remind everyone that safety measures make no difference because I tend to get hurt anyway, but those wasps were serious. So in triple degree weather, I'm tromping around in long pants and boots to avoid painful consequences. 

Lord. Help. Me.

I was working in the garden with my pal Ang, and was strolling across the yard when all of the sudden I felt a prick on my inner thigh. Suddenly, the prick began to burn and there was another prick and then another. I realized one of those fetchers had flown up my pants leg! I ran for the house, stripping my overalls off along the way and dumping them at the back door, where that little bugger flew out of my pants and into the house. I grabbed a broom and chased it into a corner where I attempted to broom it to death, but I managed to fling it into space after the first smack. The burning around my thigh and knee abruptly became my focus, so I neglected to look for the body. Five great big welts formed on the front and back of my leg. Five welts, but on closer inspection, seven holes. 

The next morning, I heard a frantic buzzing at the living room window and wouldn't you know, it was my un-dead wasp. It's mother would not even be able to identify it's body by the time I was done taking those seven stings out of its hide. Then, just to pre-empt any hive minded retribution, I headed outside and went scorched earth on every nest I found. I went through three cans of hornet spray. 

My leg was swollen and itchy for a solid week before I began to heal. I could barely bend my leg, but after that whole episode, I realized if I had been wearing shorts and flops, that damn thing wouldn't have been able to sting me seven times in a row. So the next time I went into the garden, it was in a t-shirt, shorts and flops. I also wasn't too worried about running into any more wasps because I had just mass murdered all I could find. 

It was the ones I didn't find that got me. Three more times, between my toes.

Three is less than seven so I call that a win!

That's hot

This Year...

2020 has kind of been the worst. I know, I know the virus has made things...unpleasant, but the year literally started sucking on January 1st. Babe left for the Philippines that morning for a three week work trip. In twenty years of marriage we have never been so far apart for so long a time. I was missing him before he left the van at drop off.

It was hard enough to have him gone, but it became even more unpleasant the morning he called to tell me, "don't panic, but there's a volcano erupting here." He was mighty casual for a man who has never actually experienced a volcano first hand. Even with "rocks falling from the sky," he was frustratingly calm. He's low-key freaking out about this virus though. It's almost funny how the rolls have changed. I have seen enough volcano disaster movies (Dante's Peak, Volcano, Joe Versus the Volcano, Lavalanchala) to know better than to poo-poo the raging murder fiend called "nature." Yet, I am not nearly as panicked as he is about our current situation. I went out to lunch with friends this afternoon (gasp) in public (uber gasp)! I am the harbinger of death!

Eenie moved up to Utah at the end of January. She called me this morning and told me, "don't panic, but there was an earthquake this morning." I've gotten far too many calls that begin with, "don't panic, but..." this year. It's only freakin' March. Oh, and then there's this little inconvenience by the name of COVID-19 running willy-nilly through the countryside.

The worst part of the pandemic (that's what it's been labeled) is just how horribly people are behaving in the face of this threat. I blame the media. It has become a consequence-free-for-all with the very deliberate "Just run the story, we'll fact check later, maybe," school of thought they've rabidly embraced. The problem this position has caused is a "react first, think later" position among the general public. With the announcement of Captain Tripps...I mean, Corona Virus people all around the country have lost their collective minds and have taken to panic hoarding water, hand sanitizer, sanitizing wipes and toilet paper. Toilet paper! It's a respiratory virus. The only bum issue this virus causes is the one where people have rammed their heads into their asses. Toilet paper isn't going to fix that condition. A change in perspective is only only cure for asshead.

The country is closing down to try and prevent the spread of the virus, Church and schools have been cancelled for the next couple of weeks. Restaurants, bars and lounges are closed. Facebook has become SUPER touchy, blocking any comment that maybe, might, just a teenie, tiney chance perhaps be construed as hate speech. There was a post about how Korea has managed to lock down without the panic seen here in the U.S. (they still have toilet paper on the shelves) I commented that America is the worst, because guess what gang, Americans ARE the WORST and my comment was tagged as hate speech. One of my other friends quoted C.S. Lewis (A Christmas Carols, C.S. Lewis) and his comment was tagged by Facebook. Maybe Facebook is the worst.

Just ask the people who can't find meat because of the panic. Maybe ask the woman who watched another woman shove the last pack of toilet paper into her already crammed with 12 count packs of toilet paper cart what she thinks about Americans and their ability to be rational. Or how bout the guy who decided to buy up all of the hand sanitizer for three counties so he could jack up the price and sell it on Amazon in the hopes of making a tidy sum off of the shortage.

Our cruise was cancelled. Babe is working from home for the foreseeable future. It's the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine.