The Wind That Almost Broke Me

For anyone who has returned to my blog, you know my two greatest aggravations are the above ground pool we purchased last year (so a recent, but substantial aggravation) and my garden (a long festering continual aggravation). As I wrote in a previous post, I had decided on a different approach to my yearly garden activity with the help of Meenie, and Mr. D's suggestion of choosing one plant to focus on. This year we ended up with green beans enough to choke a small army.

I had to replace one of my two apple saplings when, half way through April, it just stopped growing.  The sapling was unable to sustain itself, but still managed to sprout four other shoots that I was able to salvage. The rest of my trees and bushes were surviving and I felt like I was gonna make it through this season without melting down (again) and then the winds started up. Here in Texas from about March to June is tornado season which means gusty winds almost daily. So every day I was watching with clenched teeth from the window as the the wind whipped my saplings around like rag dolls, the same wind that knocked over the two remaining butt trees (butt trees grow stinky little white flowers in spring) in our yard, at the root. I almost hoped the wind would rip those saplings and bushes out of the ground because then I would'nt have to try anymore.

See, gardening had started as a hobby, something I wanted to do because it was something my Grandma does. Then, it became it a matter of determination. I was going to have a garden. It isn't rocket science for Pete's sake! More recently it is a matter of principle. I've put too much time and money into it to walk away from it. Thus, the hope of watching it blow away. Alas, everything stayed firmly rooted, which is so sad. The part where I was disappointed that it survived was sad.

But that came back around and slapped me across the face because I thought if the saplings and potted plants managed to stay upright, everything was copacetic, right?

Not remotely.

Mr. D was in the back yard one Saturday when a slight (and I am not over stating when I say slight) breeze came through. He came inside and hesitantly informed me that one of my grapevines had just been blown over..................................................................................................................................

Have you ever felt betrayed?

I walked outside to take a look and there, on it's side, was one of my two potted grapevines. I. Lost. My. Crap. It wasn't because the grapevine that had fallen over was the one that established roots from the pot into the ground and was thus the stronger vine, even though it was. It wasn't because I had placed a fence around it to protect the vine from my dogs and the wind had taken the fence with it and crushed my vine inside it, which it did. No, it was the path the wind had to take in order to knock my grapevine over.

Fence, garden box, plants and junk

 This "slight wind" had to travel through the backyard fence and past this garden box I built for giggles and kicks.

The greenhouse

The grapevine

And then pass through this greenhouse which currently holds dead flowers because it is August in Texas. The little garden bed in front also has dead flowers because it's still August in Texas. One of the apple saplings is in the wooden box.



And this is the grapevine. Notice the fence surrounding the pot. Furthermore notice the size of the gaps in the holes of the fences that surrounds the pot. Somebody explain to me how on God's green earth a slight wind, or even a blustery one, could have traveled across the yard and knocked over that vine, fence and all. I am not kidding when I say I came unglued.

I was angry for a couple of weeks and here's why. I have strong faith in God and Jesus Christ. I know He answers our prayers and is aware of each of us and our struggles. I know He loves us and cares about things that are important to us. However, I have prayed over this garden non-stop and it has been an uphill battle. This was just the last straw. Mr. D doesn't understand. He kept telling me that sometimes things just happen. I get that, but there were some extreme machinations for this to have occurred. If God can split the Dead sea so the children of Israel could cross on dry ground or create water from a rock or perform any of a hundred little miracles, surely he could deflect a little wind.

This felt like a purposeful thing and it almost broke me. I began to wonder, how can I pray for help when not only will the Lord not help me, but seems to go out of His way to thwart my efforts. I don't need help killing my garden, I could do that on my own so what was the point of praying?

Except, Heavenly Father doesn't do things to be mean. I was talking to a friend, telling her how angry I felt and how pointless it felt praying for help when I could accomplish the same level of killing my garden on my own when she kind of chuckled and said, "if you don't want to pray, then you really need to." So I started praying to understand the reason or the lesson I needed to learn from this experience. Mr. D still feels it is a case of "sometimes things just happen." Maybe it is because I still don't have an answer, but I'm not angry anymore. Maybe that was the point.

I'm open to suggestions.