It's SO SIMPLE...

Except it wasn't.

Last week I was rolling to the Corner Market to purchase meds for my bookends who were sporting fevers (because even homeschooled kids get sick) when the front right tire just popped. I pulled over and set to work changing the tire from flat to donut and was back on the road ten minutes later. Now, Ennie has mentioned, countless times, that her tires are bald but tires aren't free and don't magically appear. The stars of money and time must be aligned for pretty much anything to happen. Thankfully those stars aligned on Friday.

Around 11:00 a.m. Friday morning, I headed to the Discount Tire before the stars left that perfect alignment and wouldn't you know it, the Discount Tire was closed.

All of them.

In the country.

Literally.

The founder of Discount Tire had died and every Discount Tire was closed from 10-2 so that every employee could attend the funeral. It wasn't posted on the door or on the website, but it was the message one got when one called Discount Tire.

So I attempted to occupy my time at a nearby shopping center to avoid putting more miles on the donut, but I got bored and went home. At 2:15 Eenie and I headed back to Discount Tire and had soon purchased four new tires. We only needed two but the other two would be needed sooner rather than later and the stars were still aligned.

We walked to the McDonalds only to find the lobby was closed. The drive thru was still open, but one must be in a car to use it and we had left our car across the street. We took a chance and strolled up to the window where we explained that we would have brought a car had we known it was required, and the women in the window begrudgingly allowed us to buy drinks.

We walked back to the Discount Tire where we raced bar stools until the car was ready and then Ennie drove us home because bar stool racing left me dizzy. Mr. D also required tires, though half as many, so for those of you who need help, that's six tires.

The next day was even funner.

Mr. D went grocery shopping Friday night and pulled the van into the driveway to unload it. However, he opted to leave it there. I had taken Eenie's car for the night and when I got home at eleven, I parked next to the van instead of parking across the street.

The next morning, Mr. D decided to see his parents, but wanted his car which was in front of the van, in the garage. Stay with me, it's relevant.

He moved the van behind Eenie's car and then told me the ignition was hesitating in the van and I should see about the battery before I found myself stranded somewhere. Then he left. Meenie and I were supposed to go pick her friend up so a few minutes later we get in the van and, wouldn't you know it, it wouldn't start. I popped the hood and found one of the posts was covered in corrosion!

That was great because lots of time corrosion disrupts the current and simply removing the corrosion is all that is required to get the vehicle running again. I removed the corrosion, but sometimes it takes the battery a minute that I didn't have to respond. However, the van was blocking the car...

Luckily the spacing between the van, the car and the garage was enough that one perfect three point turn later, Meenie and I were on the road.

We stopped at Auto Zone on the way home because I had noticed the post connection on the battery would need to be changed because of the corrosion. I also thought it would be a great opportunity to teach my girls a useful skill. It was supposed to be an easy fix. I mean, the connector from the post snapped off in my hand! It was half done already, but dang it all if it didn't just suck from there. One little nut stood between me and a completed job.

One. Little. Nut. that refused to budge. I sent the girls inside when it became clear things weren't progressing. I tore up my fingers, bruised my forearms and knees and cursed a blue streak all to no avail. Mr. D strolled up two hours later and used a hacksaw to cut the screw off. So Simple!

Grrrr...Whatever, it was done.

Of course it was a chore tightening the connector to the post of the brand new battery we ended up buying, and after five minutes of complaining, Mr. D decided he was going to buy a less annoying connector and left. I had it tight before he got back, hands empty, because the connector I had purchased was the only kind Auto Zone had that would work in the van. Which was why I bought it. He asked why I didn't say something before.

Why hadn't I said something? So, so, many reasons.

1. I had been working on it all day and he was ready to quit after five minutes?
2. I needed him to leave before one of us got slapped?
3. He wouldn't have accepted my answer?
4. I needed him to leave before one of us got slapped?

I was pretty proud of my three point turn and while I was explaining how I'd gotten out of the driveway, he cut my off with a snarky, "I know, you drove across the grass." 

(Long pause as I wait for my eyes to stop rolling.)

"Three point turn, nothing but driveway. Suck it!"

Six tires and one battery later, the stars have changed position. If there is any further need it's just gonna have to wait.

P.S. After reading this to Mr. D his one comment was "I'm always the bad guy in this thing, but if it makes you laugh..."