Putting It Here So I Can Find It Later...

Yeah, right!

That was my mother's favorite phrase (behind "Fine, I hope you choke on it," and "we just can't have anything nice!") It drove me nuts to hear her say it because I knew once she had safely tucked whatever it was away in some out of the way hidey-hole, it was also immediately lost to her brain.

I swear she spent half of her days looking for her safekeeping spot and the other half gushing about the fun things she'd "found" instead. For example, after she would holler, "where are my shoes?" I would then hear, "oh! that's where I put those buttons that fell off your shirt...ten years ago. I knew I'd put them somewhere."

She's be so happy she found those buttons, and even though I'd finally given up on ever wearing that shirt again nigh on a decade before, she'd still insist on keeping them "just in case." Then she'd put the buttons back where she found them and resume her quest for her shoes. On a side note, my mother's other favorite saying was "if you'd all just clean up your own mess, this house would be clean." I remember her yelling that one day as I watched her finish off a bottle of Pepsi and then drop it on the floor. No joke.

I vowed to be the woman who kept track of where she hid her crap and I did really well...until I had about three children. I realized it had gotten away from me when, whilst looking for the Easter basket goodies, I found the stocking stuffers I'd bought for Christmas. Stuffers I had forgotten I'd ever bought.

I've spent this entire day searching for a file that I remember holding in my hands, but can't for the life of me remember where it went after that. I gave up looking for a spell and went in search of some decorative tape and danged if I couldn't find that either! The last straw happened when I was looking for my son. He'd snuck out the door to go to the store with his sisters. They swear he told me he was going, but I absolutely did not hear it. Thankfully, I found him with a quick phone call. Which brings me to another trait I despised in my mother yet have come to find in myself.

I totally tune out my children's voices.

But it's an essential skill to surviving motherhood. If I had to give my full attention to every noise they made, I'd go freaking nuts! I remember my mother saying I only talked to hear my own voice. I hated it when she'd say that, but I think it happens in this house, too. My offspring promise every word is important, but all I hear is wah, wah, wah, wah, wah.

There is an episode of Spongebob Squarepants wherein Spongebob is running his gob non-stop as Squidward looks on in annoyance. He envisions four mouths popping out of Squarepant's face and every one of them is spouting loud nonsense. I know my children aren't in a desperate bid to use all of the oxygen in the room, but sometimes it really does feel that way.

They swear we've had entire conversations that I don't ever remember hearing let alone participating in. I question the validity of some of those claims though. They know I don't listen, I think they've figured out my wordless nodding is a cover and they're using my inattention against me.


By the way, I still haven't found that file.