Tuesday, January 31, 2017

Two Great Tastes That Taste Great Together...

That's me and Babe. We compliment each other in our strengths and weaknesses. We are two oars in this canoe called life. One oar isn't more important than the other and if we both tried to be on the same side we'd only go in circles.We are pretty equally yoked, he and I.

Except in how we build and/or repair the various and sundry things that need building and repairing in the course of life. I think I have chronicled before that he is a "directions reader." He unfolds the paper instructions, counts each of the pieces of hardware and makes sure he has the necessary tools before he begins a project. I, however, am a "reckless abandon," kind of character. I don't think it's necessary to read the directions for putting together a bookshelf. It's pretty straight forward. However, not every project is a bookcase so my aversion to reading directions is sometimes a problem. Always. It's always a problem.

And that, dear friends, is why he only has to do something once while I problem solve along the way and end up building things twice, if I'm lucky. I like to think of my style as "half-assed." For those of you with weak constitutions, "half-a***d." It also works well as a verb, as in "if it weren't for my constant half-assery, I'd have only had to build this bookcase once." Wait a sec, Babe tells me my use of half-assery in the last sentence made it a noun. I guess I half-assed that one. Verb! HA!

Here is a perfect example: The water pump in our toilet cracked last Sunday eve leaving us with one toilet for four girls and two boys. Well that's not completely true, we just had to turn the water off after flushing to avoid Niagara Falls in the bathroom. Anyway, Babe decided to take Monday off so he could fix said toilet. I coulda done it, but let me illustrate why it was better that I stand a respectful distance from the work site.

Babe's first order of business was to remove the towels from the shelf behind the toilet. Then he moved everything else including the shelf itself. Already he was ahead of where I would be. My plan would have been leave everything on the shelf. Once the towels had fallen into the toilet, and I had channeled my inner sailor, I would remove everything, but the shelf. I would only move the shelf after I was thoroughly vexed and over my potty word budget for the year.

Babe removed the water from the tank with a sponge and gloves. My answer would have been to shove whatever towels hadn't landed in the toilet into the tank. Then, after what was left of the water flooded out onto the floor, I would dip into next years potty word budget and probably start throwing things.

Lastly, Babe attempted to remove the pump. Here's where things get kinda iffy. The plastic ring wouldn't budge so he went to the garage and brought back a hacksaw. "Ima cut it off," he tells me and my heart swelled with pride! He has finally begun to embrace the Bad Idea plan! Every Bad Idea comes with a trip to the CareNow as well as one to the Home Depot for supplies to repair the mistake that inevitably follows on the heels of the Bad Idea.

The Bad Idea plan is the number one go-to plan for anyone from my blood line. I think we learned our poorly thought out decision making paradigm from our father. I will call him G. Prickett or perhaps George P. He was (and still is, I guess) the master half-asser. My brothers have followed his plan so closely that one of my sister's in law no longer runs to the garage when she hears an explosion. No joke. Her exact words were, "if he's dead I don't want to see that. If he's alive he'll find his way inside." This same brother is the exact cause of the stitches each one of us has ever gotten.

My other brother confines his own version of creative building to making play things for his children. Much less dangerous, and that sister in law has never worried about an explosion in the garage, that I know of. My last brother was very young when our dad left so I think he just missed the window of tomfoolery.

Anyway, because he's Babe and not a Prickett, he managed to saw that pipe off without breaking the tank or cutting off his hand. He has out Pricketted the Pricketts by showing us it can be done without damage to ourselves or the project. Dang! He's never gonna let that one go.

Babe wants the record to show that he only spent $12 and that was for the actual part. Good job, Babe!

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