Liar, Liar, Pants On Fire...

I would like to begin this post with a quote from Spongebob. In the episode, Life of Crime, Spongebob and his big, pink, starfish friend, Patrick, steal a balloon on free balloon day (they are buffoons) and shenanigans ensue. At one point Spongebob gives Patrick a chocolate bar that he immediately consumes. Because he's an idiot, he assumes Spongebob has taken it. He accuses Spongebob of thievery, which Spongebob denies at which point Patrick says, "liar, liar, plants for hire." Spongebob corrects him with, "it's pants on fire." Then Patrick says, "well you would know. Liar."

I'm sure you're wondering where I'm going with this. Well once upon a time I had this friend, I'll call her Preveri...Cate (yeah, let's go with that) and as one does when one has a close friend, I spent a lot of time with her. Unfortunately, I learned that she wasn't the person I thought she was. It happens, I get it, but I also learned that pretty much everything that came out of her mouth was a lie.

I've had to reconsider every story she ever told me about herself, her family, and pretty much everything she ever did that I did not personally witness. Even then I doubt myself. One time, Cate and I were talking about a time she was pregnant, but (insert name of husband # 1) beat her with a bat, and she lost her baby at six months.

I had been to her first three weddings. I knew all three of those husbands. I never had an inkling that any of her husbands were violent so I asked her which husband (she was on # 3 by that point) had beat her. She said it had been during her first marriage.

Hold the phone! I had been around for that entire marriage, and she never told me she was pregnant or had lost a baby. I was her best friend, I was at her house all the time, she told me everything. I think I would have noticed something like a pregnancy or beating. So I asked, "are you sure? Cause I was there through that whole marriage." To which she replied, "maybe it was while I was married to (insert name of husband # 2)."

Granted she had been married several times at the time of our conversation, but I would think she would remember which husband took after her with a bat. Right?

I know, I'm not a quick study. There is no excuse.

It's been over ten years since I realized her pants were on fire, but even after all this time, if I want to relate a funny story she told I have to stop and consider whether or not that story is even true. Even stupid things like an article she read in the paper was a tall tale by the time she shared it with me, but because she was my friend I never felt the need to verify the story. Or any story because I was just that trusting. Besides, who lies about what they read in the paper?!

Now I have to wonder, did she even read the paper? Does she even know how to read? So many questions, but I can't ask her because...she lies. Also, we're no longer friends.

So the problem with a Big Fat Liar is once you realize she (or he, liars are equal opportunity) is a Big Fat Liar, ever after you spend a goodly amount of time reevaluating all the time you spent with said liar. It's a vicious circle.

And the moral of the story is...I'll have to get back to you once I figure that out.

Ooo! Ooo! I know. Read the paper yourself.