Something Awesome This Way Comes...

Potentially.

I entered a contest for self-published authors this week. So exciting! The grand prize is some monies which is nice, but the awesome part is the vast marketing of the winning book(s). The runners up get less monies, and less marketing, but more marketing than is currently available to me now. So, I entered.

I won't know until October, so I'll forego holding my breath, but some finger crossing and prayers won't hurt so...keep that in mind faithful fans.

Also I was perusing recently posted reviews for my new book, Push Back, when I came upon the most awesome review. I was so stoked! It was the most amazing review to date. I read it three times I was so amazed.

Here's the link in case you're interested: http://www.amazon.com/gp/pdp/profile/A10N3SXIQH0SG7/ref=cm_cr_pr_pdp

In the meantime I continue to work on my next book with the goal of having it published by the end of June 2013. Watch for it!

Today Is A Wonderful Day...

Because it's Tuesday... Right?

No wait. It's Thursday. Po-tay-to, po-tah-to. Anyway, two interesting bits of information.

1. I was recently added to a blog showcasing mormon books and authors, because I am mormon and an author, so I totally qualify (yay!) Anyway, if you or anyone you know would like to read my work, or any other work that generally tells a smut free story (they can be told) here's the place to go: http://www.mormonbooksandauthors.com/search/label/YA

Go take a gander. Then tell all your friends.

2. I had a fan request a set of books who lives in India. Being the awesome fan appreciator that I am, I sent her a set. Heaven help me it cost an arm and a leg. I've sent out no less than twelve sets and all twelve together didn't cost as much as that one package to India. So, until I'm raking in the dough, Ima hafta resort to in country post. Sorry, rest of the world. You can still get it on a kindle/nook/ipad/cell phone.

Anyway, I promise there will not be such a vast span of time before my next post. Pinky promise.

One Month Later...

Wow! Time really flies when you're doing...absolutely nothing.

Well, not nothing so much as not the things I need to be. I've pretty well scrapped success for this semester, and I'm sure one day I'll regret that, but not today.

I have made a goodly amount of progress on my third book, and have almost gotten the cover ready. Yay!

Also, I have also been given the marvelous opportunity to have my books promoted at https://www.facebook.com/MormonBooksandAuthors. They will be on the site by Friday afternoon. It is a vastly valuable resource, and I'm super grateful for the devoted fan from my Facebook page who suggested I check out the site. I am exccedingly grateful for my fans. All three of them. You know who are.

At any rate, this post serves more as an update, thus there is no humor intersperesed as is my usual habit. However, the day is still young. I'm sure something hilarious will happen...

Sorry, Wrong Number. Jerk...

My sweetheart, Mr. D, passed me his cell phone yesterday with a "listen to this." I put the phone to my ear, and my eyes grew wide in horrified surprise as my ears were filled with angry profanities with the occassional word thrown in. Something about her son or job or something. It was hard to filter through the garbage.

So, my sweet husband sends this text to the offensive number: "Not sure who you left 2 messages on this number for but you have the wrong number."

To which she replies: "B*^#@$ quit playing with me. GROW THE F@#$ UP and act like a F&#;$%#$ ADULT! ILL BE UP THERE TO YOUR JOB STUPID A@$ and it ain't gone be nice! Be ready."

My husband is the nicest guy in the world as illustrated by his response: "Seriously dude...check the number...and don't call or text this number again please...we don't use that kind of language. Thank you." Note the "please" and "thank you" this person clearly did not deserve.

She proceeds to call him again and leaves another hate filled threat rant. So I ask for his phone and tell him I will write a text and then hand it back. If he objects to it in any way he didn't need to send it, but writing things down usually makes me feel better even if the letter/text/email/ post never gets sent (thus the reason why I keep a journal).

So I wrote: "For the love! What proof do you need for you to realize the poor bugger (I used another word, but I'm the lesser of the two Davidsons) you're harassing is not at this number. I tried calling you back but your phone goes straight to (user's name here) voicemail."

She called back twice. Mr.D. answered the phone and she hung up both times. She hasn't bothered him since, but here's the dealio - it never occured to her to check the number. Yes, her baby daddy could have been messing with her, but why not check the number, just to be sure. I'm thinking "please" and "thank you" with a comment concerning her lack of language skills should have been an indication she got the number wrong. That or her intended reciever suddenly devolped manners, though which was more likely?

Yeah, that's what I thought.

On the Subject of Wordy-Dirds...

I love Spongebob.

I have referenced him before as I think he has a great many wise things to say. Today I want to share with you his thoughts on "sentence enhancers."

In Bikini Bottom where Spongebob dwells, in a pineapple under the sea, one day he read that "Crabs is a..." whilst reading dumpster writing ("the voice of the people.")

It was his first introduction to such language. His ridiculous starfish friend informed him that such words were known as "sentence enhancers" and they both began enhancing their sentences from there. Later on they learn that the enhancers were really bad words, and then they were ashamed for using them.

This is where I am leading you, dear reader. "Sentence enhancers" have become less enhancers and more the norm, and it stinks. No one is ashamed of using them anymore. The only true and relevant thing my step-father ever told me, besides how to use a dictionary, was that foul language was the sign of a simple mind.

I guess that means this country is filled to capacity with simpletons. I am inclined to agree.

There is a comedy website that I used to enjoy visiting. The articles are hilarious. I laugh out loud when I read them, but they are chock full of obsenities. You know what? Those words do not add to the comedy. As a matter of fact, they take away from the enjoyment. I can't go there any more. The burning sensation in my eyes is not worth the read.

It's not just the comedy site though. It's everywhere. Why, why, why?

Don't get me wrong, I am known to say "hell" or "damn" when I'm frustrated or facing a near death collision, but there are certain words that never cross my lips. I need to desist using them at all because as Spongebob said "there's no need for words like that."

However, it has become viral. I got a calendar for Christmas. A calendar my children read. I have to check it beforehand for F-bombs. A calendar! Well, not any more. I tossed it out.

Stop me if I sound like a broken record... a broken record... a broken record.

Sorry, back on task. There are plenty of amazing books, films and music out there that are amazing without the potty talk.

The point is as the morals of society continue to degenerate, that which was profane, while still there, was pushed to the outskirts. Now they've been invited in to dine at the dinner table while all other worthwhile and more decriptive words are left to shiver in the cold.

The intelligent and sophisticated has been abandoned for unthinking, slobbering word vomit. Super potty words show a lack of consideration for everyone and an abandonment of social propriety. Knowing how to behave has become a lost art.

It is annoying as all get out when my kids call me on the carpet for using a bad word, but that just shows they have more sense than me. I'll take it.

The alternative is unacceptable.

Push Back Available Now...

It is here! The day has come! Push Back has been published and I am a repeat offender. Woot! Ebooks can be found here:
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/273114

And here:
http://www.amazon.com/Push-Back-ebook/dp/B00AZMTIVU/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1358352949&sr=8-2&keywords=Push+Back+D.P.+Davidson

And soon at Barnes and Noble, Apple, Kobo, and Diesel.

Softcovers can be found here:
http://www.amazon.com/Push-Back-Volume-D-P-Davidson/dp/1481956620/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1358352949&sr=8-1&keywords=Push+Back+D.P.+Davidson

And here:
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/push-back-dp-davidson/1114135034?ean=9781481956628

And Goodreads is having a giveaway of five free copies here:
http://www.goodreads.com/giveaway/show/41954-push-back

I did it all for you, Dear Reader. Enjoy!

D.P. and Stevie's Near Death Experience...

My friend, Stevie, and I are not only super awesome moms but we're also students. Why? Because we decided it's much funner to juggle raising children and educating ourselves at the same time. Just to see if we can.

At any rate, she and I went to the college bookstore to pick up books for this next semester ( it's that juggling thing I mentioned earlier). After having successfully completed that mission, we began the journey home. All was well and good until I decided to take an exit off the highway as I was running my van on fumes (more juggling!).

Let me explain Texas for the uninitiated. The GPS is pretty much about worthless here in the country of Texas (no, that was not a misprint. People out here are crazy). The reason being that Texas highways are under constant construction. Constant, do you hear me. This means that people here have pretty much decided they will pull over, exit, and change lanes, wherever they freaking feel like it!

Such was the case yesterday. I was pulling off to exit, but because Texas is awesome like that, the stoplight was not working properly. Thus there was a mile long (seriously, a mile) line waiting for the light. Meaning people were stuck in that lane on the highway.

Well, some of our more assinine drivers decided that since there would be two lanes at the light, there should be two lanes on the highway, and proceeded to make their lane at the shoulder. After about five minutes of going nowhere, my friend suggested we leave the lane and head for another exit. Traffic was moving a pretty smooth clip in those other lanes so I had to be cautious and quick.

So the van in front of me moved up around the same time a space opened and I decided to take it. Except the doofus in front of me decided to do the same thing after I was in the lane. Like, he waited until I could smell his breath to move. So to avoid hitting him, I had to move to the other lane. However the other lane was already occupied. I also would like to mention that these lanes are narrow and lined with concrete walls. There is no room for error on a good day.

I slowed to avoid hitting the Volvo of Stupidity (in a perfect world, meaning one where I didn't get hurt, I would have rammed his backside twice for good measure), with enough room for the oncoming van to squeak by.

My whole life flashed before my eyes and let me tell you, that just should not happen. That mess actually takes years off your life. Trust me! I am literally a year older today. Yes, it's my birthday, but that's beside the point.

After the threat of death had passed (or right in the middle, time is a blur in near death) Stevie yells (insert sentence enhancer here)! Now there may be some people who maintain that there is never a time for such language. I am here to tell you that is absolutely not true. There are totally times when words like that are called for, nay neccessary. This was one of those times.

Once my brain had stopped pulsing in pain, she apologized for her outburst and wondered how I managed not to follow her potty mouth example. "Well," said I. "I was simply too preoccupied trying to avoid the Volvo of Doom to do much else. Otherwise I would have been right there with you. Also, I cuss all the time, so it really doesn't have as much of an impact anymore." Just kidding! Sort of.

At any rate, I am thankful to be alive as it would kind of whomp to be discovered as an author after I was dead. If I have to choose death or anonymity, I choose...I'll have to get back to you.

Read my books!